Tuesday, July 14, 2020

IMPRISONED

Monday
July 13th 2020
3 p.m.
 Manhattan Window-sill
Hot
Two Watercolors
 Mis-named the first as 'Joe Pye Weed', but got 'Begonia' right, only couldn't remember which specific cultivar. They were both accomplished while I was a student at the New York Botanical Gardens in the Bronx decades ago. These days, I'm so unfocused, I can sometimes forget why I entered the room I'm in. Aware that I'm privileged to have many rooms to wander through here in this rented apartment three walk-up flights above the street, teetering on the edge of pandemic days; hand washing clothes, cooking and eating, sometimes sleeping each day/night.
What's Real?
The way someone else has seen me?
The way I have seen me?
 “Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Margery Williams, Velveteen Rabbit
Meanwhile
Sundown
~*~



Sunday, July 12, 2020

ANGER then GENTLENESS

Sunday
7.12.2020
8 a.m.
Noon
 

Face Book Post
(After reading News)
Dear Sir-Since you failed at everything else, you've decided to get back to building that wall, destroying one more beautiful place. Division and destruction are your true talents. I pity you.
https://youtu.be/k4fZ9Jqn9cw

6:30 p.m.
Sun reflected in the East

 8:45 p.m.
After zoom dharma session with Konjin Gaelyn Godwin arranged by my Zendo, her gentleness and clarity like a balm soothing me.This is not the session which was private. Perhaps you can feel her kindness in this two minute video.
(April 2020)

https://youtu.be/16Qbo3oxqoY
~*~

Manhattan window view
storm clouds rising in the West.

9:30 p.m.
The rain rained hard for less than an hour.
Still hot but tolerable. 

RISE and PERSIST

Saturday
7.11.2020
5:30 a.m.
Morning Moon
 Manhattan View to the East with many chirping birds and the sound of others air conditioners whirring and humming

What love Needs
Trustworthiness
If 'love is a dog from hell', send in armies of conquering angels with fertile imaginations and let them wield their powerful wings to raise a hell of a lot-o heaven right here on earth.
Happiness
I get happy-weepy when I love what's happening at that deep level where hope lives embedded in vulnerability. The child I was is still alive in the old gal I am and I care about her.
Steadfastness
Because it's a noun, love, in order to be useful, needs participation. Then, it's a verb indicating action that can be transmitted, given away, unconditionally, always.


2 p.m. East
 4 p.m
West before the storm breaks
7 p.m.
Boom
rained for an hour or more

Sunday
July 12th
2 a.m.
Can't sleep. Hemmed in by buildings spewing hot air from their air conditioners, my Manhattan is mighty hot and I may soon have to revert to the Con Edison run Air conditioning as well, though I would rather be elsewhere.
 https://youtu.be/rmc-4F_DMRI

Friday, July 10, 2020

TGIF PERHAPS

Friday
7.10.2020
5:30 a.m.
"Sailors heed warning"
 5:50 p.m.
Thunder, then rain all day
6 to 8 p.m.
Zoom 'Wisdom' Session with my Zendo
A guided meditation with Sensei Robert Chodo Campbell
to a dock on a lake where some one of our choosing waits to reunite and a rowboat trip on that lake.Touching sharing after from several. Intimate and personal. I didn't share, but this is the song that ran through my mind:
"It Never Was You"
by Kurt Weil"
 

Note
Many previous functions seem not to work since the Google crash. I'm finding work-arounds, but it requires woesome plodding and the patience for hugely tedious activity.
It's still raining.  

Thursday, July 9, 2020

HA-HA JOKE'S ON ME

JULY 9TH 2020
3 a.m.
Woke up with a thought. Checked the Sim card and found the side lever down blocking access. Fixed it and was immediately able to upload some of yesterdays photographs

Mirror masked self in a shop window
 Who's making money?
 Impromptu seller
 Storm threat never materialized
I am still without my previous tabs, but slowly reconstructing what I need. All the doom and gloom for nothing. My computer friend will be relieved.
<<<>>>

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

BEGIN AGAIN + LAST BLOG POST

JULY 7TH 2020
4 p.m.
 hand in hand
 The stupid push to reopen which has resulted in many more positive cases in many States
 7 p.m.
 8:30 p.m.
Father Brown
"The Hammer of God"
1 hour and 25 minutes
(it repeats part which you should skip)
Supper
Bow-tie pasta with olives, cooked kale and chicken bits
in vegetable Broth.

11 p.m.
DRAT
Google crashed three times and obliterated all my tabs
(there were many)
I followed the instructions to restore them
to no avail.
I wrote to a friend who used to visit to untangle computer issues for me, but alas not possible with the lock down:
"In essence, I'm starting anew. Maybe that's a good thing, but Isn't it annoying to be captive of what one has no control over. Like the pandemic and the powers that be, we are slaves to the current reality. My Buddhist self says-okay, everything changes. It's just a fact."

July 8th
8 p.m.
HOWEVER
I can no longer upload new photos. Apparently the crash also lost the connection to my photo program and I must admit to huge disappointment. This may be my last blog post if I don't get some help.
(((sigh)))

<<<>>>

Tuesday, July 7, 2020

ONWARD

SUNDAY
JULY 5TH 2020
1 a.m.
Waited for the fireworks after the fireworks to die down
to have a lovely peaceful walk around Gramercy Park accompanied by a delightful breeze

So hot I'm shut in with fans and music all day.
Earlier
When I went out for a few necessities, a very angry man had an issue with my policewoman friend. Apparently he shows up almost daily and wants to go to the Precinct to demand a escort to his homeless shelter on 17th street, where, he states, everybody hates me. She refused him and he was super horrible with name calling insults. She and I stepped aside while her partner let him talk. She said "I'm so tired" and there were tears. Sexism is alive and well in the street and even at the precinct. She has a son and intends to raise him to respect others.
Close
I didn't dare shoot his face. He wore a threatening mask and had threatening symbols hanging from his neck.
I crossed the avenue and continued downtown.
Lilly on second Avenue
Blooming bush full of bees in Sty Park
Looking West
~*~

Monday
July 6th
I was having an afternoon nap when
KABOOM
I shot out of bed. The storm outside my window was full of lightning and more thunder. I closed it.
Then hard rain for an hour or more, after which I went outside walking for a while.
After the storm
Watched