MIDNIGHT
Starts right now till after the operation tomorrow morning.
Got a message around noon saying "surgery appointment is conformed, and don't forget the co-pay checks. Seems your Medicaid (extra help after Medicare) has been discontinued." Yile! What?! Then an hour of rifling files for the last medical certification. Found it but still do not understand what happened, and can not deal with it till after tomorrow. Then, heart beating fast and body shaking--a full blown panic attack!
Haven't had one of those in years. I know it's just fear of the unknown and loss of control (as if we are ever really 'in control'). Called my old therapist to chat. Good call. Totally calm. Had the operation herself.
The three checks totaling $500 are ready thanks to generous donor friends who came to the rescue. My clean clothes are laid out. A neighbor will phone at 7 to make sure I'm up. On the way to a meditation tonight, I stopped by the address for surgery and discovered it's one floor above the Dharma Yoga Center, a good place to be above. After the meditation an old yogi friend reminded me to 'send the doctor light and love' (hope I can), and, Friend Wendy came by with her tuning forks to shift the energy in the apartment and me. There was a message of love from a long distance friend on the answer machine too. That should do it. I feel quite stupid. Now I need to forgive myself, get some rest. Thank you all who have wished me well. Send the surgeon love. I'll be back with my new right eye in a day.
I'm counting on my inner eye to see me through this clearly.
(from Terri Windlings blog today)
(from Terri Windlings blog today)
"We
go up to Heaven and down to Hell a dozen times a day -- at least I do.
And the discipline of work provides an exercise bar, so that the wild,
irrational motions of the soul become formal and creative." ~May Sarton~
