FRIDAY ENDS

Tuesday
March 6th 2019

1 a.m
Heats Off
I'm not yet well and just couldn't face rousing our battered Super again so, dosed with 'Theraflu', added another layer of clothes + hat and slept on the timed heating pad under a comforter till 4:30 a.m. when I woke shivering, got up, plugged my expensive-to-run electric radiator in set on high, still averse to being the one to call. Why? Don't quite know.

Suddenly, this 5 times repeat malfunctioning seems suspicious since the owners occupy three space here too.
 Why don't they wake the super?
Do they have their own good heaters keeping them perfectly warm? Their basement apartments are closer to the source so may stay warmer longer.
Are they even actually here? I haven't laid eyes on them for several weeks and know they have other options.
Meanwhile,
my thoughts are turning toward true friends suffering elsewhere.
Let the wicked reap their just rewards. Let younger warriors prevail. I'm too busy growing old, keeping a fragile peace and making do.

Post script

6 a.m.

HEAT RETURNS
~*~

 Wednesday

3.6.2019

8 a.m

Outside

 Exhausted,

I Slept again till 1 p.m.

Afternoon

 

 Watched

"Maybe I'll Be Home in the Spring"

TV Film on Video

(gift from Nancy Erisman)

1971

"After finding out that the hippie lifestyle isn't as glamorous as the media makes it look, Dennie comes home to find disapproval and judgement at every turn. Starring Sally Field."
A strange and interesting throwback.

3 p.m.

Depression Hovers
"Soften. Let thoughts and memories wash through unimpeded and let them go." Then, I took a hot bath and prepared to go out. 

7 P.M.
At Tibet House

Krishna das opened with the familiar invocation call and response, Then he and Robert Thurman told potent and amusing stories, including one about the Dalai Lama farting and another about mowing Einsteins lawn.

Last, we all joined in chanting to Tara.
 The main Tārā mantra is the same for Buddhists and Hindus alike: oṃ tāre tuttāre ture svāhā. It is pronounced by Tibetans and Buddhists who follow the Tibetan traditions as oṃ tāre tu tāre ture soha. The literal translation would be:
“Om O Tārā, I pray O Tārā, O Swift One, So Be It”

Tara commentary from Gayatri Clabonova
https://gayatriclab.com/2011/10/the-power-of-tara-mantra-%E2%80%9Com-tare-tuttare-ture-swaha%E2%80%9D-for-daily-protection/ 

Lovely Incense

(available at Tibet House)

Miracle?
It was a huge effort for me to drag myself out into the cold to attend last night, but felt strongly I needed to be there. After, I walked home in the 20 degree night, my fingers and toes freezing, mumbling the mantra under my breath and thinking all the time how fortunate I am to have a home to go to. I drank a warm bowl of Ginger-Miso soup, mixed up another glass of Theraflu, slid into bed and had the first good 8 hour sleep of the past many being-ill months.
~*~

Thursday
3.7.2019
I woke feeling fit, energized and clear, was active all day and got many things done with pleasant ease.

Late in the afternoon, I walked through 'little India" on my way to Trader Joe and stopped in to talk to a friend at a local shop about Tara. She is a long time KD fan who relates to that mantra and more.
~*~

TGIF
3.8.2019
View outside my front window three flights up, looking East at 11 O'clock.This sun means business, but cloud cover dominates it's intention. Shall I say that my eight hours of sleep last night was interrupted three times, so not nearly as satisfying or energizing as the previous nights blissfully undisturbed straight eight? Yes.

Inside
A 'wandering Jew' wishes for roots.
Patience is the genius of plants.


Accomplishment
 
After many months of utter neglect, I've sorted out some of the piles, changed my (sick) sheets and comforter and delivered all to the Laundry Service at Street level. These are simply items i can not use my bathtub and buckets method on.
 
Once every couple of months is par for this old gals course. Dust, a far more serious condition not yet attended to, but as someone remarked somewhere:
'I tried dusting, but it didn't work'
(Ha!)

5 p,m.
Although I would rather sleep again, or distract myself with trivia, media and music, tonight I will go to our Monthly "Wisdom" session at the Zendo with 10--20 'over sixty year olds' where we look at all the aspects of aging; the dark and light of it, life and death issues. Personal sharing occupies some time and is accompanied by a Buddhist perspective and a meditation.
 
The Heart Sutra
(Thich Nhat Hanh)

Avalokiteshvara, while practicing deeply with the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore, suddenly discovered that all of the five Skandhas are equally empty, and with this realisation
he overcame all Ill-being.

Listen Sariputra,
this Body itself is Emptiness
and Emptiness itself is this Body.
This Body is not other than Emptiness
and Emptiness is not other than this Body.
The same is true of Feelings,
Perceptions, Mental Formations,
and Consciousness.

Listen Sariputra,
all phenomena bear the mark of Emptiness;
their true nature is the nature of
no Birth no Death,
no Being no Non-being,
no Defilement no Purity,
no Increasing no Decreasing.

That is why in Emptiness,
Body, Feelings, Perceptions,
Mental Formations and Consciousness
are not separate self entities.

The Eighteen Realms of Phenomena
which are the six Sense Organs,
the six Sense Objects,
and the six Consciousnesses
are also not separate self entities.

The Twelve Links of Interdependent Arising
and their Extinction
are also not separate self entities.
Ill-being, the Causes of Ill-being,
the End of Ill-being, the Path,
insight and attainment,
are also not separate self entities.

Whoever can see this
no longer needs anything to attain.

Bodhisattvas who practice
the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore
see no more obstacles in their mind,
and because there
are no more obstacles in their mind,
they can overcome all fear,
destroy all wrong perceptions
and realize Perfect Nirvana.

All Buddhas in the past, present and future
by practicing
the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore
are all capable of attaining
Authentic and Perfect Enlightenment

Therefore Sariputra,
it should be known that
the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore
is a Great Mantra,
the most illuminating mantra,
the highest mantra,
a mantra beyond compare,
the True Wisdom that has the power
to put an end to all kinds of suffering.
Therefore let us proclaim
a mantra to praise
the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore.

Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!

The End

HARD PARTS and HELPERS

The lousiest part of being ill is being ill; just as the lousiest part of not being able to function properly, or not being able to stay asleep, is being dysfunctional and tired all the time

This is a great help thanks to my 'Archangel' friend, Michael Beiser

This is about  the practice of Self Comforting

"I divested myself of despair and fear when I came here.
Now there is no more catching one's own eye in the mirror,

there are no bad books, no plastic,

no insurance premiums, and of course no illness.
Contrition does not exist,

nor gnashing of teeth.
No one howls as the first clod of earth hits the casket.
The poor we no longer have with us.
Our calm hearts strike only the hour

 and God, as promised,

proves to be mercy clothed in light."

 (From the Other Side by Jane Kenyon)

The Newest Symptom
Poor Circulation is at fault here

 Swelling in the right ankle and foot

This is what will take me to the radiology clinic as soon as they can give me an appointment for one or more of these Tests:
1. computed tomography (CT or CAT scan; a special technique that uses a computer to combine many X-ray images into a detailed image of an area body that is 100 times more clear than a regular X-ray)
    2. magnetic resonance imaging (MRI)
    ultrasound studies of leg veins or the arteries of the head and neck
    3. angiograms or venograms
    4. ultrasound of the heart (echocardiogram)
    5. electrocardiograms (ECGs)

ESCAPE TO NOURISHMENT

Friday
Another semi-sleepless Night.
(Poor Teddy)

Sign of the Times In The Street
"A growing nation of genetically evolved apes led by Caesar is threatened by a band of human survivors of the devastating virus unleashed a decade earlier. They reach a fragile peace, but it proves short-lived, as both sides are brought to the brink of a war that will determine who will emerge as Earth's dominant species."

 Eeeeeeeeeek!

Escape to a free Movie at Home:

"Once Upon A Time"
(1944)
Heartwarming fantasy staring Cary Grant, a failed Broadway Producer who, upon learning of the existence of a dancing caterpillar owned by youngster Ted Donaldson, acquires the miraculous insect in order to exploit its commercial worth. When Disney offers him $100,000 for it, he knows he's onto something."

http://youtu.be/Nt0SWfyhGhM
There's transformation for all the characters, including the caterpillar, and of course, a deliciously inevitable happy ending.
~*~

Saturday
Yes, another difficult night, no dreams,
just unable to sleep more than an hour or two at a clip.

Moody, warm Weather over the Farm Market

.

Oh, delicious Goat Cheese from Stuyvesant, N.Y.  Since it was the end of the day, they kindly sold me a $10 container for just $5 because it was all I could afford to pay.

http://ardithmae.com

 The scent of Zinnia is so fresh

 Father and son Gorzyski have been trucking "better'-than-Organic vegetables here for years and years.

I got Onions, beets, zucchini and Sorrel.

AND
From Trembley Apiares  out of  Van-Etten NY
"Hon-E-Lixr"
(Pure Bee Pollen creamed with Honey)

This Long Island seller had every plant left on the table for a dollar.  He and his family are headed for Europe.  I got sage and thyme!

 AND
a lovely white Begonia-but for the color, so like the one I did this old water color of when I was studying at the Bronx Botanical Garden.

THEN
on the way home:

 Joy! Every time this little Cairn Terrier sees me, she dances, and makes my day.  Her owner is a regular neighborhood fellow and  he enjoys our interaction.  I'm just back from the farm market at 14th Street, and it turns out Marley loves Thyme and goat cheese, but NOT Sorrel.

Now there's a Casserole in the Oven, and Honey in my heart.
~*~

Very Nice

My mind can spawn disorder

before the dog can wag its tail twice.

My heart can shatter into bits

before the knife has made a single slice.

 Before the wag, before the slice,

these peaceful moments are very nice.

~*~

SLEEPLESS NIGHT

 

  "The Dhamapada"

 'Slam'--'Belch'--'Screech'

Back up 'beeeeeep'

Arurgh@#@!

"OMmmmm"

'Slam'--'Belch'--'Screech' 

Back up 'beeeeeep'

Chug-ch-Chug-ch-Chang' 

 

Arurgh@#@!

TRUCKS out front.

Three flights below.

Repaving the street

at eleven PM !!!

'Slam'--'Belch'--'Screech'

Back up 'beeeeeep'

'Thawack'--'Clang'
'Chug-ch-Chug-ch-Chang'

and whistles too !!!

TRUCKS out front.

I feel like a lamb

in the slaughterhouse.

No, too dramatic;

 but a lamb I am,

with no herd influence !!!

'Thawack'--'Clang'
Chug-ch-Chug-ch-Chang'
and whistles too !!!

This may be another two pot day.

Maybe a four Ibuprofin day as well.

I need more files folders.

'Cora' Cane and I 

will do a walking meditation today.

 "OMmmmm"