Thursday, December 19, 2013


It's a nice name.  He's a nice man,
and has done thousands of cataract surgeries.
 So far a total of eight hours, over three separate days, weeks apart, worth of testing has been done, and, I now know approximately how much money I have to pay before the procedure, which was a bit of a shock.  I'll think about the details tomorrow.  But, I know I won't be able to schedule till at least February.  I'm putting on a happy face.
 Here, the bad eye is totally dilated
 This is kinda what it looks like from inside
 Over there, the mayor goes about closing down his day, while all the workers bundle up for their long commute home, and I wait for the bus uptown.
 Longing, which does not sleep, gnaws at me.  I was longing for chicken soup, my comforter, and to abandon my attention, let my brain rest, my monkey mind wander where it will.
Staring into that blue-blue blur, I remember all the questions I forgot to ask. At Doctors offices, I'm super-aware that my life, in a manner of speaking,  is in the Doctors hands, and the money is divided up between Doctor, Insurance companies, facilities and Drug Manufacturers.  Not something I say out loud, just what I think.  My tendency therefore, is to be very friendly, while trying to extract the information I want, and without offending.  So, I forget stuff.  I 'spose I assume that questions like those relating to issues the Dr. has not brought up, might be challenging.  I fear falling out of favor.  So, returning to my adult self, I take note of having felt vulnerable, and of all my defenses against it.  Just take note.  It's sliding away now as I settle back into the familiar, and light a pre-Solstice votive.
Two More Days


Nancy said...

I get confused at the doctors too, it's so much information...when I get home I realize I've forgotten half of what I was told.
Sending you crystal clear lovingwarmfrinedship...that you can see with your eyes closed. Oh and a couple of good hugs, sending those too :)

Velma Bolyard said...

oh, michelle, i have another dear friend who is waiting on eye surgery for similar reasons. i wish you could have it done immediately.

grace Forrest~Maestas said...

falling out of favor.

it's interesting, that this
should even be an issue.

Ms. said...

Thank you Nancy for your wish, and Velma for yours. Grace, what 'comes' up arises from that fact of physical and financial vulnerability. My life experience has contributed to my assumptions. Even nice and competent doctors are crushed under the health care system in this country, sadly, only made worse by the new and not really working system struggling into being now.

Mo Crow said...


Anonymous said...

i could write lots, but the issue is always vulnerability .. i'm a nurse and it is the same for me too..
write down questions before you go. doctors are used to that and not offended.